For Emily

I'm tired, frustrated and feeling super hot,

My face is all shiny and my hair's in a knot.

We were on the same plane

But it boggles my brain

That I'm here in the terminal and my luggage is not!

photo credit

Something About You

I've got the chills and a case of goosebumps,

An icy cold sweat that's not measles or mumps.

Oh why can't you see

Just what you do to me?!

Ah the thought of those perky lovely lady lumps!

Dedicated to RC, his Snuggie, and his three fantastically wonderful accomplices.  And a shout out to Fergie for coining the phrase that has given today's limerick such class. 

Good Advice

That means YOU!  and you and you and, ooooh I know you...especially you!  Go'won...get out there. 

Weekend Bliss Causes Memory Lapse

I get home from work Thursday, hang my hat on the shelf,

And think of hot pancakes and Buddy the Elf.

And my brain fails to log

That I should update my blog,

And for that, my dear friends, I am firing myself. 

picture credit:  all time favorite Christmas movie and Donald Trump.  Really?  I should get a prize for somehow managing to combine those two in one post. 

Trip to the Dentist

A sharp pointy thing, swooshy sucker, a file;

I open my mouth, you dig 'round for awhile.

Mama always said gain

Only comes with some pain...

I submit for the sake of my pearly white smile.

photo

Humpy Patrick's Saint Day

What?!

I'm sick and totally delusional and I've lit'rally been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 (or one thousand and ten) minutes and not actually DOING anything. And that's bad I suppose because, you see, they're paying me to stare at my computer screen and not do anything. I've been doing this: shuffle shuffle shuffle papers, open e-mail, answer e-mail, bathroom. Shuffle papers, bathroom. Sniffle, sneeze. Need more water! Woooohooo! That means another trip to the water cooler (yes...we have a water cooler. And I'm part of the water club. And no, we don't stand around the water cooler and gossip. Gossip travels quicker via e-mail, duh!). And then, inevitably, the bathroom...again.

Also involved in my day:

1 e-mail to my boss telling him I was going to stay in bed for a few more hours because I felt like crap

1 phone call to maintenance in which I made them listen to the stream of water leaking from my bathroom ceiling over the phone

1 very nice maintenance man who promised to fix my ceiling once and for all (ha!)

18 unread emails sitting in my inbox...that I have been ignoring for several hours

5 unnecessary, yet quite delicious cookies

28 minutes until I can leave here and go back to my bed

 And one last thing. It's Wednesday, March 17th, and that can only mean one thing:

HAPPY HUMPY PATRICK'S SAINT DAY!!! Go find yourself a damn leprechaun.

picture

AAAAAhmmm Nam Nam Nam Nmmmmm

Hello Little Girl in your stockings of green,

With your badges a plenty and shoes shined to a sheen.

Oh please show me your wares,

The answer to my prayers!

Tagalongs and Samoas and all things in between!

One box just won't cut it so I'll order eleven!

By the time the week's out, I'll have eaten 'least seven!

Little girl with the beanie,

Darling mini pre-teenie,

You call them Girl Scouts, but they're Angels from Heaven. 

(photo credit)

Be Careful What You Wish For

Raw emotion, news stories, or eating in bed,
Those are the things I should cover instead.
But your wish, my command;
I'll write what you demand,
So this Friday I limerick about "pumpkin bread"!

What!?  That's it.  Go home. 

Hey, Wanna Go Shopping?

I need to go shopping, it's been quite awhile.
My sweaters are threadbare, my pants out of style.
I'll pay what it's worth
For a fashion re-birth,
A bad ass new getup will sure make me smile!

Houston, We Have a Problem

....and I can't really go report it. 

Here in the good old U S of A, all sorts of employees in all sorts of organizations are given the finest treatment, the best resources, and the statest of the state of the art equipment with which to perform their jobs.  The rest of us have to make due with what we have. 

Which brings me to my dilemma: 

Thanks Google. 

But here's the deal, the catch, the rub, if you will...many of the applications within our network don't work in IE 8.  So I can't just upgrade.  But I can't really report the problem...because, well, I mean, do I really need to access Google Docs at work?  No.  Not one bit actually.  But maaaaaah!!!!  Someone fix it!