Samurai

Your moustache is stick needle thin,

You fight against evil and sin.

Try to maintain your honor,

Or your sword? You'll fall on her,

And that's not what I'd call win-win.

I Knew Her Back When...

Disclaimer: if you didn't go to high school with me, most of this will be lost on you. Just know that these are good memories commemorating a good friend's birthday.

When I was 15 years old, I sat down at a lunch table with a spunky, goofy, carefree blond named Colleen. Ridiculous lunchtime conversation topics swirled around the table; among them, such items as Doug the Bug, the weekend goings-on, and the starlet's latest part in the school play. Later that year, Colleen and I could be spotted scrambling through the halls during our 5-minute passing period, Skittles scattering down the hallway on our mad dash from the vending machine and into the clutches of our sixth period religion teacher - that same teacher who always seemed to turn a blind eye to the notes being passed between her two "kunagundas" (roughly translated as "precious ones"). Our tall friend Mike started calling us the Blond Bombshells...which is hilarious looking back on it. It can be argued that we were, in fact, budding bombshells, but I think the more appropriate designation back then may have been "holy terrors." Colleen and I buddied up and joined the "Senior Experimentals" - ladies and gentlemen, my first acting experience ever was in a play starring a "boy band" and Colleen, who played a Mandy Moore type character. If I remember correctly, I was just a groupie who wore silver reptile-print pleather pants and swooned when a member of the boy band walked by (*gag*). That was the last time I ever acted, but Colleen never quit. Thank God.


And one day, when she's all grown up and living a flashy life in Hollywood and gets discovered by some huge director for her stunning looks, seriously convincing acting, and phenomenal voice OR is sharing her passion for acting and English with some very lucky students, I can smile and say, "Yeah, well, I knew her back when. And she's still a great friend."

So to a girl who completes our circle of friends, loves Twix and rock and roll, gives life her all, and can identify exactly what was happening and what everyone was wearing on any given date in the history of her 26 - er, 23? - years, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Miss you tons - can't wait to see you soon!

And for good measure, here's a shot of the 4 of us...my girls from "back when." See you in June!

My Dinner

Not too shabby, really.

Sweet Tea

My boyfriend Earl's over there dippin'
Cousin Sue's on the sidewalk a-skippin'
But there's no better treat
Than a tea that's so sweet,
So I'm on the front porch just sippin'

Top Ten Things I Learned in Alabama

10. Huntsville has quite a large population of engineers and the airport there is like a NASA gift shop.

9. Birmingham has a beautiful landscape of rolling hills and green ivy.

8. Sweet tea is far too sweet for me.

7. Southern wedding receptions don't require assigned seating (yay!).

6. I'm not the only one who has noticed Luke's ability to consume HALF HIS BODY WEIGHT in food. Sounds like this is something he adopted back in the military.

5. On average, about half of the people you meet in the South actually go by their middle names.

4. Little old ladies with their hair set in rollers really do say, "Well, bless his heart."

3. There really is a Red Hat Society. They hold their meetings at Alexa's Cafe on Calvert Street in Birmingham. They really wear red hats.

2. Barbecue is heaven.

And the number one thing I learned while in Alabama last weekend:

1. Luke looks really cute in a tux. :)

Confession

Luke and I have never gone to see a movie together.

We go rock climbing and balance check books instead.

I'm Thinking about Getting an Abacus

Luke via email: I think I am going to stop filling out my checkbook register and start using the excel sheet I made, and print out the bank statements. I think the checkbook register is pretty redundant and a little outdated.

Me: Yeah, you're old fashioned :) Excel is good. The only problem is that I like paper records. I'm a paper person. I love my journals and notebooks and planners and pens and pencils. If you're ever at a loss for something to get me, bet on a really cool notebook or something. Like the one I just got. I love it. And I got another one just for the hell of it. I have no use for a second one, but I figure I'll find one!

Luke: You’re calling me old fashioned? Pens, paper. Why don’t you just use a stone tablet and a chisel.

Me: Sh*t. I missed the glaring irony. Luke: 1. Leanne: 0

Slouching Teenager at Heart

Once upon a time, many years ago, I was in the car with my parents and some of my younger cousins. I was relegated to the back middle seat, squished between three other kids. Younger Cousin Jennifer said to me, "Leanne, you sit up really straight. It's weird."


"Nuh uh!" I protested, for I had always suspected that I was a typical teenage sloucher.


"Yeah you do!" she retorted. And her little sister promptly agreed.


Hrrrumph. I spent the rest of the trip intentionally scrunching down in my seat.


And then this week, I came across a (very fuzzy) picture of me from Emily's birthday celebration last weekend. It was after 11 p.m. and several margaritas. Dear Cousin of mine, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.














In other weird Me news, I go to the bathroom more frequently than the pregnant woman who sits across from me. I have a bladder the size of a ping pong ball.

Oh hush...you're not really offended by my over-sharing. In fact, chances are if you know about my blog, you've probably already made fun of me at one point in time or another about my mini-bladder.

That's MISTER Pilgrim to you!

Don't spell "pilgrim" with an "A"
That's just not the appropriate way!
So let's please not neglect
To show him some respect:
P-i-l-g-r-i-m, OKAY?!

Slamabama

Tomorrow morning I will wake up at an ungodly hour, drag my lifeless body to the metro, take a bus to the Baltimore Washington International Airport - which is not close. From Baltimore, I will fly to Charlotte, NC. From there, I will fly to Huntsville, Alabama. And then I will drive to Birmingham. For a wedding. For a dude I've never even seen a picture of.

Now, I'm not complaining. Not one little bit, actually. More than anything, I'm quite intrigued to see what this Southern wedding thing is all about.

But I have to survive today first.

Happy Birthday, Em!

It's Saturday night. We're out, chillin' near the piano at Banana Cafe, drinkin' margaritas, and celebratin' the birth of dear Emily. The pianist was not just a pianist. He was also a trumpet player, a saxist, and a vocalist. He was also not playing the piano. He was playing a keyboard that he had placed on top of the piano. And he was blind.

I'd like to chronicle several weird conversations I had during the course of the night...the night obviously deteriorated rather quickly :)

1. Circa 11:00 pm:

Diego: Hey, remember that time I shoved all those carrots in my mouth?

2. Approximately 11:30 pm:

When prompted for song requests, I jumped up, ran to the piano and requested Whitney Houston!!! (Not a stretch, really, given some of the other songs he'd already shared from his repertoire.)
Pianist: No Whitney Houston. Something else.
Me: Ok, I got nothin'. What's your favorite thing to sing.
P: Lady, this is just a job for me. If I could drive a truck and make more money, I would. That's like me asking you which file you like filing best. It's just a job. A job. (into the mic) This is work for me, folks! Just work!

3. And the last, most awesomest, bestest conversation of the night:

Em calls at 1:30 am as I'm drifting off to sleep: Hey, um, I'm standing at my door and my keys are inside my apartment...on the other side of the door.
Me: Try using your credit card? Or call K. She lives closest to you. You can crash there. Or come here if you need to.
Em: Ok, credit card not working. I'm gonna call K.

- ten minutes pass -

Em via text: I'm cabbing to your place. I feel like an IDIOT!

- another ten minutes pass and the ringing phone yanks me out of sleep again -

Em: I made it into my apartment! The cabbie had a crowbar and opened my door.
Me: Good. You're safe, door's deadbolted? Ok, see you tomorrow. Love you, bye.

- ten minutes pass -

Me to the ghosts in my room: Wait, the cabbie used a crowbar to break into her apartment? That's not normal, people!

Happy anniversary of your birth, Em! Thanks for always keeping things interesting! :)

Sunday Story

The house behind me had an all-day bash yesterday, and when I went to bed, there were two partiers still hanging tough. At midnight, I was having a hard time sleeping while I listened to Guy consoling Girl as she complained about a pending trip to Vegas with Art, the guy she's sleeping with but apparently doesn't want to be sleeping with.

At 12:44 a.m., after momentarily drifting to sleep, I was jerked awake by an awful rendition of a woman speaking in a Russian accent. Guy and Girl - two fully functional thirty-somethings with car payments, mortgages, and friends with babies - were making PRANK PHONE CALLS! I might note here that it's awfully difficult to calm your heart rate enough to fall asleep when you're fuming.

So when I was jerked awake yet again at 2:00 a.m. by another shrill vocal explosion, you may imagine that I was furious! However, when I stopped breathing fire and shooting laser beams from my eyes, I took a second to listen and my heart softened ever so slightly. Yep, Little Suzie Svetlana had drunk dialed I-Don't-Like-You-Anymore-Art to pick a fight. "I'm not cheating on anybody here. It's not like I'm your wife. [pause] Well, you don't have to be mean about it!"

Hoo boy was she going to regret this conversation in the morning!

That's when I smiled to myself and promptly fell asleep.

Oreos

They're chocolaty, crunchy and sweet,
Dipped in milk, they're a cool, soggy treat!
Eat a row? That's not hard.
I'll gain 10 pounds of lard,
But Oreos still can't be beat!

Joints Joints Joints

No no no, not those kinds of joints. Bad kid.

I mean My Poor Fingers and My Poor Knees. They're stiff and they hurt because someone in here turned the thermostat to ANTARCTICA!

The Office

The workplace reminds me of school - grade school, high school, college...take your pick. It's all the same. The he said, she said; the hurt feelings; the busy work and the due dates; the egos; and the rumors that just won't quit. The personalities are even the same: the drama queen, the gossip, the jock, the bully, the nerd, and the geek. And then there's the SUPPLY CABINET. Every employee's dream (especially when there are kids to entertain!). Pens and pencils and colored paper and Post-Its and highlighters. Hell, we even have glue sticks! And when a new supply is delivered, it's heaven for the first few who discover it. "Hey! Look at all these new toys! And they're all MINE!"

But here's another, even stranger parallel between office life and academia: no smoking in the bathrooms. The following email was sent by our management to all staff as a follow up to a prior email about smoking areas. And no, except for removing names, I didn't change a word of it. Are you kidding? This stuff is too good to be made up!

_____________________________________________
From: G
Sent: Monday, May 04, 2009 2:47 PM
To: [All Staff]
Subject: FW: Designated Smoking Area For Our Building

Good Afternoon,
This is just a friendly reminder that smoking is prohibited anywhere inside this building, including the restrooms. If you observe anyone smoking in the restroom, either politely remind them that smoking is prohibited inside the building, or let [office manager] or me know and we will follow up.
Thanks,
G
_____________________________________________
From: G
Sent: Tuesday,
August 12, 2008 7:16 AM
To: [All Staff]
Subject: Designated Smoking Area For Our Building

Good Morning,
I’d like to remind those of us who smoke that [our building] has a designated smoking area, and that smoking is not permitted in the front of the building. Our designated area for smoking is to the rear of the building next to the loading dock. Although others may not follow the rules, I’d like [department] to be a good example. Let’s set the standard by being considerate of others and smoking only at the designed [sic] smoking area.
Thanks,
G

A case of the Mondays

It's Monday. It's raining. I spent 10 hours in this office on Saturday waiting to test a broken system, testing the system, confirming it was still broken, and then waiting some more. Oh yeah, I was also entertaining my manager's 3- and 5-year-old kids who also spent 10 hours in this office on Saturday. And now I'm back in this office again. It's Monday. It's raining. We have a new system that is no longer broken. And I have awesomely colorful creations hanging on my cube walls. Thanks 5-year-old! :)


I'm going to find myself something made of chocolate.

Race for the Cure

Help me reach my goal for the Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure! I'm running on June 6 in memory of a good friend's mom and in honor of so many other women who are fighting and beating breast cancer. My goal is $125 and I have a month to go! Click on the "Donate" button below. Every little bit counts!

Thank you in advance for your support.

Tequila

Drink me down while in bliss or in sorrow,
I've got a good time you can borrow.
You think you'll be fine,
One more shot with a lime,
But you'll be cursing my name by tomorrow.















(stop that! that's not funny!!!)