My Friend, the Toilet

When it gets right down to it, the concept is odd,
A receptacle for strange things that come from the bod.
And on birthdays and such,
When there's drinking too much,
We end up clutching to you, oh dear porcelain god.

Post birthday...

Oh I'm sorry, did I say 26th? I meant 21st. My email to a friend this morning sums up my day...

I might die. Drank waaaaaaaaaaaay too much. Had a lot of face time with my toilet. Woke up at 8:27…supposed to be at work at 8:00. Missed 2 meetings. Drove to work - probably still drunk. And now I'm sucking down water and coffee and feel like death. I have to go to a meeting.

Ciao.

New Sheets on the Bed

After a trip to my hometown that was quite delightful, Dawn's wedding on Saturday that was quite beautiful, and a delayed flight from O'Hare which is quite typical, I'm finally back home. Luke is staying in Illinois for another six days, so all's quiet on the home front. Except for Bailey who - after being left alone for five days* - cannot stop telling me how much she missed me, and me alternately echoing her sentiments and grumbling about how she pissed on the bed.

But then again, if my people left me for five days, I'd probably piss on the bed too.

Luke!? You better come home soon!

It's after midnight...officially the 29th. Happy birthday to me. :)

I'm off to bed.

*Plenty of clean litter in two boxes, an automatic feeder that drops 1/2 cup of food every morning (and has helped her trim down over the past few months!), and a never ending supply of water! Don't worry folks, we love our cat.

Moi

I was born in July, I was bald till age three,
Lived in Tinley, Spain, Chile, and now in DC.
Brother, sister, mom, dad;
Many pets we have had.
That's the simple life story of little old me.

(That was fun...thanks for the request, Sarah!)

Or My First Born

So that ticket I got in West Virginia. I had to call and find out how much I owe, where to send the money, etc. I got around to calling the court today.

My ticket was FIVE dollars. Yes. FIVE. But I will be sending a cashier's check or money order in the amount of $164.53. HUH?! Yeah, that was my first reaction too. The remaining $159.53 will go toward court fees. Standard for every ticket.

Damn the Man.

I'm in training all week. Lean Six Sigma...business process improvement. Somewhat interesting. And a much needed (and completely excused) escape from my office.

Countdown to Chicago: T-minus 34 hours.

In Honor of Sarah's Birthday

So once upon a time Sarah requested a limerick about the OPERA. Leanne was having a particularly stupid day that day and spent a good number of minutes, hours, days trying to construct the perfect union of words and rhyme and rhythm and theme. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.


And on the eve of the next Limerick Friday, EUREKA! The perfect limerick was born! And welling with pride, Leanne posted and viewed her perfect limerick about....OPRAH!

Her generous heart huge in size,
"Check under your seat for your prize."
I'm not lying, it's true,
One for each one of you!
But now, who needs a houseboat that flies?

Aren't you glad I can't read sometimes? Sarah, you got a two-fer for that opera reqeust :)

Have a fabulous birthday!

Cake

It comes in the form of a bundt or a sheet,
The ones made of cheese are my favorite treat!
Prefix fruit, prefix pan,
Either way, I'm a fan,
Of the rainbow of cakes that are out there to eat!

To Sarah...who will be stuffing her face with birthday cake in 2 days. :)

And I Wear Make Up

Once upon a time I was born. That day is celebrated around the world on July 29th. I like to pretend that I'm not big on birthdays, but let's be honest...if I hear a date in July, I will automatically subtract it from 29 and tell myself (and possibly the person standing next to me) how many days are left until my birthday. I do this without actually realizing that I've done it.

And I have a blog.

I'm totally a narcissist.

Takes me back...

Even while sitting in an air conditioned office in business attire in front of a work computer reading mundane e-mails and prioritizing my daily activities, the taste and smell of watermelon make it summer for me. I'm not sure if watermelon is even all that delicious. It's no where near as satisfying as, say, a nice, fresh piece of pineapple. But still, there's just something about watermelon - that crisp crunch and the flood of sweet, cool juice in your mouth that reminds you of sticky fingers and striped bathing suits and bare feet. Summer.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I see a sprinkler that needs to be run through.

My Life

Luke and the outdoors. That's pretty much how I've been spending this summer.

He's cute, no?

Aaaaand I'm an animal...

Blue Smack

It's known on the streets as a thing called Blue Smack,

It's hard and it's cold, more addictive than crack.

I've seen girls get in fights

Over who's got the rights

To the last box in the pantry of Kraft's cheese 'n' mac.

Image from http://bobnoble-actor.com/Kraft_Macaroni.jpg

The Inevitable

So it finally happened. After driving recklessly for 9 years, 11 months, and 10 days, I got my first speeding ticket.

I was three hours from home on I-68 or I-79 or something like that, jamming out to something ridiculous on the radio, and flying past some minivan puttering along in the right lane. When the West Virginia Highway Patrol car flipped on its lights and clunked into the grass of the median to do a U-turn into my lane, I knew I was toast.

He got me at 87 in a 70. Oops.

But like every single West Virginian I've come across, he was remarkably and genuinely nice. After the incredibly stereotypical and completely unanswerable "Where ya' headin' in such a hurry?" question, he actually made his "where are you coming from, where do you work" interrogation sound like friendly small talk. Didn't even want to pull me over - but of course, there was that minor fact that I was almost going 20 over. Said he couldn't pass that one up.

I would have gotten 6 points on my license if he'd written 87 on my ticket. I don't really know what that means, but he made it sound bad. Probably something horrendous like license suspension and three years hard labor in the tobacco fields of Virginia. What I do know, though, is that "as a courtesy" to me, he didn't write 87. Instead of hard labor, I will be paying a small fine to a small county in West Virginia, but I will not have any points on my license.

I thanked him for his generosity, promised to slow down, and pulled away knowing that I totally deserved a ticket with a big red 87 scrawled all over it. And then I painfully drove 69 the entire rest of the way through West Virginia. Because they're so damn nice there!!!

Again with the Time Warp...

This summer is a blur. I can't keep track of the weeks and I have absolutely no concept of time. I just know that everything is moving really really fast and I'm in constant fear of missing something important. Did you know it was the 4th of July last weekend? I did...but I didn't really know that until all of a sudden it's the 2nd of July and I'm sitting at work going "Holy hell, who made it July already?! Wasn't it just November?!" And then, BAM, I'm standing on the Key Bridge with Luke and a thousand other people, crossing my fingers that the bridge will support us as we stand in awe of the incredible fireworks display that our nation's capitol put on.

Since returning from my two week tour of the U.S., still bruised from our near death experience on Long's Peak in Colorado, I've been frantically trying to catch my breath at work; pack, unpack, clean and paint at home; plan for birthdays and weddings in July; and catch up with friends in DC whom I haven't seen in months!

The plus side: people have stopped e-mailing me at work since they've finally learned that their e-mails have been falling into some dark abyss lately; there's always a warm body waiting for me when I get home (Bailey or Luke...either way it's nice); we have comfy new couches and a grown-up bedroom; we've gotten to spend a lot of time with our parents, and I get to go to Chicago for a whole week for Dawn's wedding.

And then it's August and things MIGHT finally start slowing down a little bit. But until then... more traveling, camping, settling into the apartment, birthdays, weddings, entertaining visitors.

In fact, I write this as I'm sitting in yet another hotel room on yet another work trip. Ha, that was another, "Holy hell, it's the 4th. I leave for another work trip in TWO days!" This time I'm in Charleston, West Virginia. A nice town, really. At least, I think it is. I can't say for certain since I got in at about 9:15 last night and haven't ventured out of my hotel yet today. All I know is that I have to be at the field office at 1:00 and was told not to come earlier because "there may or may not be someone there to let you in before then." Well alright then. I'll just sit here, answer work e-mails in my pjs and update my blog, thankyouverymuch. Also, the Belgium waffle I made for breakfast this morning was delicious. Thank you Marriott.

The Fourth of July!

Johnny lost his finger, Pete lost an eye,
The dog's in the bathtub, thinks he's gonna die.
But it's worth all the pain,
For the glee that I gain,
When I see those fireworks bursting bright in the sky.

Best Month Ever

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH TO ME!!! And Happy 4th of July Month.

Two of the best days of the year :)