The Glass is Half Full

I just got this email from my 83 year old grandfather. I have always always always revered and respected him because that's just what you do to the smartest, most composed and put together human being you've ever met in your entire life. But now I revere and respect him for one more thing: His love for life. Check out the bold sentence. Thanks for the note, Grandpa...it made me smile during a really rough day.

Leanne,

Next week, I am having a couple of Basal Cells on my face removed surgically by a plastic surgeon. Therefore, I will not be in any mood for going anywhere. The surgeon will remove the stitches the following week, Too much sun over the years, but it was worth it. But give us a call when you get a chance and depending on how patched-up I am, we might have lunch at the restaurant in L.B.

Love

Grandpa

Little Creature

This makes me feel very little.

Puzzled

Where can you find Aristotle and cheese curd?

And where can you learn that a booby's a seabird?

Not with Ted or with Bill,

But adventurous still!

They're the answers to clues in my daily CROSSWORD!

Happy Hump Day!

I'm all about the videos this week...I guess that makes me lazy. Ah well. Here's to a very happy Wednesday. Do not try this at home...unless you are a drunk frenchman.

""

The Girl Effect

""
Check it out: www.girleffect.org

Thanks for the post, Em.

Bailey Cat

Like Christmas in July! You're getting your Friday limerick early this week...because it's MY Friday (woohoo!) and because I'm just too giddy about this one to let it sit in scheduled status for another 12 hours.

To the tune of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music

Tissues and fingers, not cat toys or feathers;
Claws digging deep into couches of leather;
Crumpled up papers and laces, not strings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

Black beans and chicken and eggs and white cheeses,
Wide open windows and cool autumn breezes;
Mewing while stalking God's creatures with wings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back scratches, ear rubs, but not hugs or cuddles,
Splish-splash in my water, I'm makin' big puddles;
That magic appliance and tuna it brings:
These are a few of my favorite things........

When the door slams! When it thunders! When I'm feeling sad...
I'll pounce on your stomach while your fast asleep, and then I won't feeeeeeeel soooo baaaaaad.

Tuesdays aren't so bad...

So I've had what I would consider a pretty productive day so far!

• Got to work early (and by early, I mean on time).
• Had the breakfast of champions: A pumpkin spiced latte from Starbizzles and a bag of Sun Chips - Harvest Cheddar flavor, of course.
• Discovered Lilu and Maxie ...two of my new favorite people in cyber land. At least based on their last 4 posts. I may delve further into their worlds and discover that they disappoint me. I'll keep you posted.
• And re-remember-realized that I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW! Thanks Veterans! For serious though. Thank you. Whether they saw battle or were sent overseas or not, they signed up for a job that carried that potential and that responsibility. Our vets have done a wonderful, honorable thing for us that not many people throughout history have been willing to do. And to all those Marines in my life - happy birthday!
• And with that, I'll add: "Got all choked up and emotional about Veterans Day" to my list of things I did today.

And it's not even noon!

If you're not feeling oh so "Tuesday?! I LOVE Tuesdays!!!" today (or if you are. whatever. I'm not here to judge), here's some good clean fun that'll put a little spring in yo' step: The Late Movies: Security Camera Dance-Off (Thanks for the share, Em!)

For the Love of Bert and Ernie!!!

Your eyes are so bright and your smile is merry,

But above those bright eyes things get overly hairy.

People ogle at you

'Cuz you've one brow, not two!

Pluck your dang unibrow! You look scary!

via

Happy Hump Day!

It's Wednesday, y'all!





And I'm not ashamed to admit that I had 1/2 a bag of goldfish crackers for breakfast this morning. And I'll have the other 1/2 at lunch.








via

Musings from Door Dounty

This is me operating under the influence of wine and instigating friends. Apparently inappropriate limericks fall out of my mouth in public when I'm with Sarah and Michelle, as witnessed by our poor waiter in Egg Harbor, Wisconsin a few weeks ago. Here's a cleaner version of one such limerick:

New York

I went to New York and was feeling quite flirty,
But most of the girls there were lookin' quite dirty!
I came home with the clap
And you can't give that back;
Well, so much for sex after thirty!

And to our endlessly patient waiter. Not my best work, but I have no doubt he was delighted to see this limerick on the paper table cloth upon our departure (or perhaps he was delighted simply because of our departure).

Thank you for serving our fabulous meal,
You served with a smile and unending zeal.
You brought me a new dish,
When my bread flopped like a fish,
Thanks so much for keeping it real!

From Door County 2009

Happy Hump Day

Randomness for everyone!

monkey

monkey

underpants

Metro

Hop on the train with the rest of the Feds,
Who are sleepily dreaming of blankets and beds.
A blank stare on my face,
Member of the rat race,
We just sittin' here ridin' and bobbin' our heads.

Meeeechelle

Today we celebrate the birth of a woman I look up to. She's about 2 or 3 inches shorter than me and less than a year older than me, but she has big shoes (metaphorically) that leave awesome footprints (proverbially) that I struggle to follow (literally). I look up to her drive, her insight, her self-motivation, her discipline. And I can honestly hear her laughing now as she's reading this going, "Girl, you have no clue" No wait...let's try this again. But this time in the Southern accent that sneaks up on her once in awhile. "Oh Girl, if you only knew..."

But seriously. Motivated. And at the same time has enough time and energy to maintain and enjoy a phenomenal relationship, wonderful friendships, and a super cute crafty house! AND sneak away for weekend trips with two (fabulous) girls...ah hem...

Michelle, can't wait to celebrate your birthday with you this weekend...HIP style!!!

Cats

So I learned from a wonderful website that cats sleep for 70% of their lives.

I can attest to this, as this is how Bailey spent most of today (in various places and positions, of course)















And then she shot me daggers when I woke her up.













And then promptly fell back to sleep.









She spends the other 30% of her day chasing rubber bands, cleaning herself, climbing on me while I'm trying to sleep, and begging for every last ounce of attention from me or Luke (when she decides we're worthy).

M&Ms

Delicious, delectable droplets of flavor,
Tiny morsels of yummy that most of us favor.
Reds and greens, blues and yellas,
Orange and brown little fellas,
Each and every last one I will happily savor!

Happy Autumn!

The fall is upon us! You know what that can mean?
Crunchy leaves and cool breezes, treats on Halloween!
But the best part of fall,
Better bestest of all -
Starbucks' pumpkin spice lattes chock full of caffeine!!!

I Hate the Word Feet

When you approach, a grin turns to a scowl.
Dogs sniff out your scent and then growl.
I'll be honest my dear,
You're lovely to be near,
Oh if only your feet weren't so foul!

Another gross limerick requested by Sarah. My last one! No more gross limericks!

File Under: TMI

You know, Too Much Information. About me. Things you don't really want to know. But here it is: Asparagus Pee. AP. Which now means that every time you read a news article by the Associated Press (AP), you're going to giggle.

But seriously people. I had asparagus for lunch the other day - I'm talking about 7 or 8 stalks of it. Immediately thereafter, my pee reeked of the stuff. I've cut up ONE stalk of asparagus and put it into an omelet before. Result: Immediate AP.

WHY??? Well friends, let's explore. Seems to me that no one can agree, but here's what some reputable (read: Wikipedia) sources had to say.

Wikipedia. Source of useless knowledge. Trusted resource for college students. On their asparagus page, Wiki actually has an entire section dedicated to Urine.

Certain compounds in asparagus are metabolized giving urine a distinctive smell due to various sulfur-containing degradation products, including various thiols, thioesters, and ammonia.[22]

The volatile organic compounds responsible for the smell are identified as:[23][24]
methanethiol,
dimethyl sulfide,
dimethyl disulfide,
bis(methylthio)methane,
dimethyl sulfoxide, and
dimethyl sulfone.

Subjectively, the first two are the most pungent, while the last two (sulfur-oxidized) give a sweet aroma. A mixture of these compounds form a "reconstituted asparagus urine" odor.

This was first investigated in 1891 by Marceli Nencki, who attributed the smell to methanethiol.[25]

Favorite Wiki quote: Marcel Proust claimed that asparagus "...transforms my chamber-pot into a flask of perfume."[21]

Discovery Channel (via). How I spend many of my lazy Saturdays or Sundays. They also had (have?) an awesome store which was likely the cause of much anxiety for my poor mother who had to drag us there when she wanted to find stuff for her classroom. They have toy dinosaurs and lots of books about farting and pooping and insects.

In 1891 a scientist named "Nencki" had so very little to do that he convinced four guys to eat seven kilograms of asparagus (that's about three and a half pounds each). He collected the pertinent pee, worked some medieval magic on it, and concluded that the smell was due to a metabolite called methanethiol....In 1975 a chemist from California claimed in Science that gas chromatography had fingered a different culprit: S-Methyl Thioesters, to be precise....Then there's the 1980 reference in the British Medical Journal that simply refers to "metabolites." Another asparagus scholar favors "six sulfur-containing compounds."

And last, but certainly not least, Chow.com. Seriously? Chow? But I digress. Tagline: "Food Drink Fun." Reputation: I have absolutely no clue. But they seem to have an opinion on asparagus.

This question has baffled scientists for over half a century. In 1956, British researchers divided the population into two categories: excretors . . . and nonexcretors.

Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen! Chow.com has spoken!

So here's what I learned: no one knows! And Wikipedia is the only one of the not-knowing sources that spoke with any conviction or authority about what it doesn't know. But I already knew both of those things. And to be quite honest, I don't really care which chemical makes my pee smell like a cocktail of toxic farm pesticides.

But all is not lost. I did learn one really interesting fact that I will gleefully carry with me until the end of days: In the name of science, a group of people got together TO SMELL OTHER PEOPLE'S ASPARAGUS PEE. The results? Not everyone has the ability to smell asparagus pee. HA! You thought you didn't get AP, but you might be an asparagus pee-er and have no clue! But wait - It gets better!!! You'll never know unless you ask someone else to smell your pee!

I'm so easily amused.

Everybody's Sick

My nose is a-drippin', my throat's awfully sore.
My snot rags and tissues fully cover my floor.
I just shook hands with you
And wish you had a clue
Of the hacking filled fun fest that you are in for!

Awesome people born on this date

Luke is 30 today. Old man.

My little sister Beth is 20 today!

Everyone I love is growing up.

New Shoes

"I love standing flat on my feet" was her song.
"High heels? I don't want'em. They're painful and wrong."
But she couldn't turn down
Awesome wedges in brown.
Welcome out, inner priss! You were there all along!


Michelle, welcome to the club, my dear :)

A Toast to the Happy Couple

At the request of Sarah, of course. And Sarah, if you actually read this at T's wedding, I will likely die of laughter...no no wait. You might die because she might kill you.

My dear, I love you, but you made me a mess!
The planning and primping made me over-stress!
But since I'm happy for you,
I'll do what I must do
In my overdone hair and my pricey maid's dress:

To my friend on the day she becomes a new wife
You'll have days filled with laughter, and ones filled with strife.
But to you I now toast
For you have more than most:
He'll be holding your hand for the rest of your life.

A Recipe for Delicious

Blueberries?


Check.

Milk?

Check.

Sugar?

Check.

Mmmmmmm! Enjoy!

The Maxi Dress

They're so comfy and cool; so light, airy and flowing.
They're perfect on days when you're sweat...I mean glowing.
Many people abhor them;
Darling Hilton adores them.
Sorry Sarah, the maxi dress market is growing!

http://www.thefashionablehousewife.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/paris_hilton_nyc.jpg

Some Sappy Crap

Dear Dad, My Hero,

It's your birthday. Normally on your birthday I'd tell you happy birthday. This year, it's thank you. I still melt into the knobby kneed, scraggly haired, eight-year-old version of myself whenever you give me a big bear hug or whenever I call you for a word or two of encouragement or advice. You're my confidant, my friend, and my biggest fan. And I know that I have a bit of stiff competition from my brother and sister, but I'd venture to say I'm your biggest fan, too.

You're one of a kind. The guy I still consider to be the "big guy" in my life. Luke is the guy I'm living with now, the guy responsible for looking after me and keeping up with me (don't worry, he's doing pretty well). I love him and it means the world to me that you do, too. But I also love that you know that you never have to compete with him. As some would put it, he's the "man in my life", but you know that you'll always be the guy who looked after me and kept up with me from day one. Good job, Dad. And thank you.

Maybe one day when you're older I'll share my blog with you. For now, I think you're a little too young.

Love you,

Lannie Lee

January...

Once upon a time we went to the Inauguration of President Obama. We stood on the Mall in the cold with millions of other people for five hours. Then we walked through the I-395 tunnel to get home. It was weird. And cool. The End.

Monday

Yeah, it's a blah title, but it's true. It's definitely Monday. But since I've started actively searching for jobs and since our trip to New York, I feel like I have a new lease on life. My current job is now just a placeholder until I find something I love. And so here I sit, doing my job, trucking along, making due. For at least a little while. And I'm feeling better about it.

But I digress. The real reason I signed in this morning was to express my minor bewilderment about the spry 19-year-old intern who skipped into my elevator at the 3rd floor and then popped out on the 2nd floor. And on both floors he came from and went in the direction of the stairwell. DUDE, JUST TAKE THE STAIRS.

A riddle (in a jumpsuit)

What's salty and usually steamy and hot?
At the ballpark you certainly find quite a lot.
It comes with a twist,
And the smell does persist.
A pretzel it is. A gym sock it is not.

I'm Kiki. You can call him Paco.

This week started on Monday, as weeks tend to do. But it was a different type of Monday. It was an "I just spent a fabulous weekend in New York and now I'm totally refreshed and ready to take on the world" kind of Monday. Thanks to Luke. That was my surprise birthday getaway. New York City. And it was great.

We took the bus from Arlington on Friday morning and it was so easy. Poof! We were in New York, 10 blocks from the Times Square Hilton where we'd spend the next two nights. But I was ravenous and ate my weight in noodles and chicken and broccoli and mushrooms and shrimp and pork at the first Chinese buffet we happened upon. And then the subway - oh the New York subway. Hot, dirty, totally insane. But we emerged triumphant at 96th Street and wandered our way through Central Park, the Met, more of Central Park, and all the way back to our hotel on 42nd street. Where we collapsed into bed and passed out at 8:15 p.m. For a "nap." Some nap. I was physically unable to move for 12 hours. Not kidding. It was glorious.

Saturday we took a tour of a new Hilton property where they tried to convince us that we needed a vacation home. Ha! We need a HOME home first! But they gave us $125 for playing grown up and making a big decision that "No, I'm sorry. That's just not in our budget right now." And then the ticket booth in Times Square. Where we were ushered through a very quickly moving line. I got stage fright and blurted out the first Broadway show I could think of and just like that we had two tickets to see Chicago at 2:30 p.m. from the seventh row of the orchestra. And it rocked.

Dinner for two at a former speakeasy-turned-steakhouse where I had a steak that literally melted. It was amazing...and got even more amazing as I downed my half of a bottle of wine. But our waiter was, well, odd. Our waiter was, like all of the waiters at this particular establishment, an old man in a tuxedo. But he reminded me of a character in an Alfred Hitchcock horror film. Just eerie. But he got my order right and kept my glass full and we escaped with our heads, so I was quite pleased.

After dinner, we wandered around Midtown in search of the United Nations (found!) and got drunk in the process because every time I had the impulse to pee (often), I yanked Luke into first bar we came upon, used their facilities, and then we had one or four drinks. We found a really awesome hole in the wall that way. We proceeded to sit at the bar and drink $3 drafts for the next several hours. (I fear what I revealed to Luke during that series of conversations. But he keeps coming home to me, so I guess it wasn't that treachorous.)

Then we stumbled back to Times Square, sat on the street while an Asian "artist" sketched our caricatures, wandered away with the framed Latin cartoon version of ourselves, and Luke strolled up to a street vendor and stood in a smoky haze while waiting for the MOST un-gyro-est gyro I have ever witnessed to emerge from the embers of the street vendor's cart. Spicy and ridiculously charred meat on a pita. With no cucumber sauce. Disgusting. But he ate it. And I love him. And I'd return to New York City with him any time for a repeat weekend because it was phenomenal.

But NEXT time we're spending more time in Little Italy eating lasagna.

Hump Day: A tribute to Wednesdays

Come one and come all, every hipster, nerd, geek.
We're up on the hill lookin' over the peak.
We're all bumpin' and grindin'
And no one is mindin'
For we've made it halfway through this tedious week!

Guessing Game

So Luke was out of town for my birthday, but he told me not to plan anything for this weekend because the two of us were going to celebrate. And so...per his instruction, I have packed two "nice" things - one really nice dress and one pretty nice dress - "walking around" clothes, a sweatshirt, running clothes, and about 6 different pairs of shoes that may or may not be necessary. And my bathing suit.

We have to leave by 9 am. We'll be back by Sunday night.

Any guesses? Because I haven't a clue. All I know is that his claims of coal mining seem to be lies, unless we're coal mining in evening wear.

Final Straw

I. Need. A. New. Job.

And no, I'm not afraid of anyone at my current job reading this because 1.) I'm sure they're not among the 3 people who follow this blog and 2.) they probably already know. I've been in a bad mood for the past 2 weeks.

Bullet Points

Random thoughts floating around in my head today:

• Asian food. Preferably containing MSG.
• Canned Dr. Pepper is far superior to bottled Dr. Pepper.
• Sometimes people I don't know share too much information with me.
• I bought a homeless man a cup of coffee this morning. He had a nice smile.
• Luke comes home tonight :)
• Coffee or no coffee? Coffee or no coffee?

Cats and Thread

Hilarious moment of the day: trying to sew a hole in a pair of pants with Bailey in the room.

Happy August!

My Friend, the Toilet

When it gets right down to it, the concept is odd,
A receptacle for strange things that come from the bod.
And on birthdays and such,
When there's drinking too much,
We end up clutching to you, oh dear porcelain god.

Post birthday...

Oh I'm sorry, did I say 26th? I meant 21st. My email to a friend this morning sums up my day...

I might die. Drank waaaaaaaaaaaay too much. Had a lot of face time with my toilet. Woke up at 8:27…supposed to be at work at 8:00. Missed 2 meetings. Drove to work - probably still drunk. And now I'm sucking down water and coffee and feel like death. I have to go to a meeting.

Ciao.

New Sheets on the Bed

After a trip to my hometown that was quite delightful, Dawn's wedding on Saturday that was quite beautiful, and a delayed flight from O'Hare which is quite typical, I'm finally back home. Luke is staying in Illinois for another six days, so all's quiet on the home front. Except for Bailey who - after being left alone for five days* - cannot stop telling me how much she missed me, and me alternately echoing her sentiments and grumbling about how she pissed on the bed.

But then again, if my people left me for five days, I'd probably piss on the bed too.

Luke!? You better come home soon!

It's after midnight...officially the 29th. Happy birthday to me. :)

I'm off to bed.

*Plenty of clean litter in two boxes, an automatic feeder that drops 1/2 cup of food every morning (and has helped her trim down over the past few months!), and a never ending supply of water! Don't worry folks, we love our cat.

Moi

I was born in July, I was bald till age three,
Lived in Tinley, Spain, Chile, and now in DC.
Brother, sister, mom, dad;
Many pets we have had.
That's the simple life story of little old me.

(That was fun...thanks for the request, Sarah!)

Or My First Born

So that ticket I got in West Virginia. I had to call and find out how much I owe, where to send the money, etc. I got around to calling the court today.

My ticket was FIVE dollars. Yes. FIVE. But I will be sending a cashier's check or money order in the amount of $164.53. HUH?! Yeah, that was my first reaction too. The remaining $159.53 will go toward court fees. Standard for every ticket.

Damn the Man.

I'm in training all week. Lean Six Sigma...business process improvement. Somewhat interesting. And a much needed (and completely excused) escape from my office.

Countdown to Chicago: T-minus 34 hours.

In Honor of Sarah's Birthday

So once upon a time Sarah requested a limerick about the OPERA. Leanne was having a particularly stupid day that day and spent a good number of minutes, hours, days trying to construct the perfect union of words and rhyme and rhythm and theme. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.


And on the eve of the next Limerick Friday, EUREKA! The perfect limerick was born! And welling with pride, Leanne posted and viewed her perfect limerick about....OPRAH!

Her generous heart huge in size,
"Check under your seat for your prize."
I'm not lying, it's true,
One for each one of you!
But now, who needs a houseboat that flies?

Aren't you glad I can't read sometimes? Sarah, you got a two-fer for that opera reqeust :)

Have a fabulous birthday!

Cake

It comes in the form of a bundt or a sheet,
The ones made of cheese are my favorite treat!
Prefix fruit, prefix pan,
Either way, I'm a fan,
Of the rainbow of cakes that are out there to eat!

To Sarah...who will be stuffing her face with birthday cake in 2 days. :)

And I Wear Make Up

Once upon a time I was born. That day is celebrated around the world on July 29th. I like to pretend that I'm not big on birthdays, but let's be honest...if I hear a date in July, I will automatically subtract it from 29 and tell myself (and possibly the person standing next to me) how many days are left until my birthday. I do this without actually realizing that I've done it.

And I have a blog.

I'm totally a narcissist.

Takes me back...

Even while sitting in an air conditioned office in business attire in front of a work computer reading mundane e-mails and prioritizing my daily activities, the taste and smell of watermelon make it summer for me. I'm not sure if watermelon is even all that delicious. It's no where near as satisfying as, say, a nice, fresh piece of pineapple. But still, there's just something about watermelon - that crisp crunch and the flood of sweet, cool juice in your mouth that reminds you of sticky fingers and striped bathing suits and bare feet. Summer.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I see a sprinkler that needs to be run through.

My Life

Luke and the outdoors. That's pretty much how I've been spending this summer.

He's cute, no?

Aaaaand I'm an animal...

Blue Smack

It's known on the streets as a thing called Blue Smack,

It's hard and it's cold, more addictive than crack.

I've seen girls get in fights

Over who's got the rights

To the last box in the pantry of Kraft's cheese 'n' mac.

Image from http://bobnoble-actor.com/Kraft_Macaroni.jpg

The Inevitable

So it finally happened. After driving recklessly for 9 years, 11 months, and 10 days, I got my first speeding ticket.

I was three hours from home on I-68 or I-79 or something like that, jamming out to something ridiculous on the radio, and flying past some minivan puttering along in the right lane. When the West Virginia Highway Patrol car flipped on its lights and clunked into the grass of the median to do a U-turn into my lane, I knew I was toast.

He got me at 87 in a 70. Oops.

But like every single West Virginian I've come across, he was remarkably and genuinely nice. After the incredibly stereotypical and completely unanswerable "Where ya' headin' in such a hurry?" question, he actually made his "where are you coming from, where do you work" interrogation sound like friendly small talk. Didn't even want to pull me over - but of course, there was that minor fact that I was almost going 20 over. Said he couldn't pass that one up.

I would have gotten 6 points on my license if he'd written 87 on my ticket. I don't really know what that means, but he made it sound bad. Probably something horrendous like license suspension and three years hard labor in the tobacco fields of Virginia. What I do know, though, is that "as a courtesy" to me, he didn't write 87. Instead of hard labor, I will be paying a small fine to a small county in West Virginia, but I will not have any points on my license.

I thanked him for his generosity, promised to slow down, and pulled away knowing that I totally deserved a ticket with a big red 87 scrawled all over it. And then I painfully drove 69 the entire rest of the way through West Virginia. Because they're so damn nice there!!!

Again with the Time Warp...

This summer is a blur. I can't keep track of the weeks and I have absolutely no concept of time. I just know that everything is moving really really fast and I'm in constant fear of missing something important. Did you know it was the 4th of July last weekend? I did...but I didn't really know that until all of a sudden it's the 2nd of July and I'm sitting at work going "Holy hell, who made it July already?! Wasn't it just November?!" And then, BAM, I'm standing on the Key Bridge with Luke and a thousand other people, crossing my fingers that the bridge will support us as we stand in awe of the incredible fireworks display that our nation's capitol put on.

Since returning from my two week tour of the U.S., still bruised from our near death experience on Long's Peak in Colorado, I've been frantically trying to catch my breath at work; pack, unpack, clean and paint at home; plan for birthdays and weddings in July; and catch up with friends in DC whom I haven't seen in months!

The plus side: people have stopped e-mailing me at work since they've finally learned that their e-mails have been falling into some dark abyss lately; there's always a warm body waiting for me when I get home (Bailey or Luke...either way it's nice); we have comfy new couches and a grown-up bedroom; we've gotten to spend a lot of time with our parents, and I get to go to Chicago for a whole week for Dawn's wedding.

And then it's August and things MIGHT finally start slowing down a little bit. But until then... more traveling, camping, settling into the apartment, birthdays, weddings, entertaining visitors.

In fact, I write this as I'm sitting in yet another hotel room on yet another work trip. Ha, that was another, "Holy hell, it's the 4th. I leave for another work trip in TWO days!" This time I'm in Charleston, West Virginia. A nice town, really. At least, I think it is. I can't say for certain since I got in at about 9:15 last night and haven't ventured out of my hotel yet today. All I know is that I have to be at the field office at 1:00 and was told not to come earlier because "there may or may not be someone there to let you in before then." Well alright then. I'll just sit here, answer work e-mails in my pjs and update my blog, thankyouverymuch. Also, the Belgium waffle I made for breakfast this morning was delicious. Thank you Marriott.

The Fourth of July!

Johnny lost his finger, Pete lost an eye,
The dog's in the bathtub, thinks he's gonna die.
But it's worth all the pain,
For the glee that I gain,
When I see those fireworks bursting bright in the sky.

Best Month Ever

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH TO ME!!! And Happy 4th of July Month.

Two of the best days of the year :)

The Rough and Tough 'Burbs

So it's old news and most of you in the area have already gotten this forwarded to you about 17 times...I have. But I had to share the Arlington Rap. It's hilarious.

There are several references that may only make sense if you live out here, but if you happen to live in Any Yuppie Town, USA, you can surely appreciate the humor.

Check it out.

Rocky Mountain National Park on a Monday Night

We were lost on a mountain in freezing cold gales.
We tried to camp out, but our tent blew like sails.
We hiked down through the trees,
Dying flashlight, bruised knees.
Stick around, I will tell you our tales!


Luke and I headed out with our gear in our packs.
Upbeat spirits, heads high, 30 pounds on our backs.
We climbed up past the trees,
We reached ice and cold breeze,
Through the snow we left clear, happy tracks.

Four hours had passed when we spotted our camp.
We were cold, it was windy, our layers were damp.
Every foot step would sink,
Keep on moving, don't think.
An hour more through the snow we were destined to tramp.

Our camp was twelve thousand eight hundred feet high,
Quickly set up our tent with grand hopes to stay dry.
But the tent shook and quivered,
Huddled inside we shivered.
Should we stay? Not a choice but to try.

We tried to hold out for it soon would be dark,
The 6-mile hike down not a walk in the park.
But the tent flew apart,
Now no choice but depart!
Or our chance of survival would be mighty stark.

Trusty Mag Lite in hand, Ziploc bags on our feet -
Our attempt to stay warm and conserve body heat.
Snow had covered our track,
But we had to get back
“To the tree line! Or else we’re dead meat.”

Lost our trail, found a creek and knew that was the way,
To get off of that mountain and live through the day!
Hiked down through the wood,
Found the trail! Knew we could!
At a sign post we realized we’d gone the wrong way.

Our Mag Lite was dying and we were still far.
Three a.m., set up camp by the light of a star.
Toss the food in a tree
So no bear bothers me,
And at day break, hike down to our Ford rental car.

In the morning we hiked with the glee of a child.
We were tired and dirty, but nine miles was mild!
Nature punched, kicked, and battered
But none of that mattered -
We’d been schooled by Bear Grylls watching Man vs. Wild.

We reached the car by midday, had had more than enough
Of wind burn and sun burn and other rough stuff.
Now you know, we're not dense!
We gathered more common sense:
Trust your instinct, go back when the going's too tough.

New Roommate

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It's been decided - I'll be living at the same address for yet another year. But I'd like you to meet my new roommate, Bailey Cat.



She's almost as cute as my other new roommate, Lucas Man.

I.O.U.

I lied a little bit...during my tremendous travels, I didn't have time to pay homage to Limerick Fridays. So I'm here to pay up.

Friday, June 12th
A Limerick About Theft
(in honor of a terrible event in Sarah's life: someone used her mug at work! )

I'm going to find that evil, bad thug!
I know that she's mean and horrendous and smug.
If you know what is good,
You'll return to your hood,
But not before giving me back my work mug!

Friday, June 17th
How I Spent Monday Night.
Here's the first part of it...stay tuned for more of the story!

We were lost on a mountain in freezing cold gales.
We tried to camp out, but our tent blew like sails.
We hiked down through the trees,
Dying flashlight, bruised knees.
Stick around, I will tell you our tales!

Tour de les États-Unis

Sooooo life is about to get crazy (as if it wasn't already). The next 2.5 weeks look like this:

Camping in West Virginia.

Hanging out with Bridget in Columbus, Ohio.

Drinking with Luke's family at a wedding in Lafayette, Indiana.

Camping, climbing, exploring, working for a day, and getting to see another handful of awesome people in and around Denver, Colorado.

Partying it up with bride-to-be Dawn at her bridal shower and bachelorette party in Chicago, Illinois.

Hanging out with Dad and the Fam on Father's Day in the Chicago burbs.

Collapsing into my bed in VA with the desire to remain there for following 7 days (that's a week!). But alas, I'll be getting up on Monday morning again to go to work...for 2 days. And then off again on the 24th!

Training new employees in our Southern District Office in Dallas, Texas.

And then back to hang out with Luke's parents in DC that weekend.

Phew!

But have no fear...I will have just enough time and access to the Internet to keep up with my Friday limericks.

Catch you in July.

Stinky Feet

Just kicked off my shoes under my desk. I must confess...my relatively little feet smell really HUGELY bad.


Apparently my shoes - flats, heels, sandals - have a lifespan. It seems to take about the same amount of time to completely wear them out as it does for them to start stinking to the high heavens. I think it's time to purge. Looks like I'll be making a trip to DSW sometime soon.


Oh the horror...please please pleeeeease don't make me go to the SHOE STORE!!!

Backstreet Boys

I'll show you the Shape of My Heart, yes It's True,
You kicked it and cursed it. It's sad, Black & Blue
I Don't Want You Back!
I'm Movin' On, Jack.
Who'm I kiddin'? It's Gotta Be You.

(Dear Yahoo, please check my math...)

Let's do the Time Warp Again....

Who ate my week? I can't believe it's Thursday. Hell, what happened to the Entire Month of May? Oh yeah - weddings. And visitors. And thinking about weddings and visitors.

And a one-day class called "How to Get More Organized" which planted itty bitty seeds of organizational wisdom in my brain that took root and stirred in me some strange sensation. It's a feeling that is foreign and frightening, but also somewhat exhilarating. I believe it's called "motivation."

My entire life has been spent making To Do lists. I make lists in my sleep, in my planners, in my notebooks, on scrap paper, on my hand, in my e-mail. List-making is what I do. I love pens and pencils and paper, remember? Now here's the catch: You actually have to DO the things on your To Do list. I know, crazy, right?

Most of my To Do lists go like this:

1. Write To Do list.
2. Doodle all over To Do list while reading e-mails.
3. Look over To Do list in utter despair.
4. Totally ignore To Do list for the rest of the day.
5. Recycle To Do list.
6. Write a new To Do list.

In the past week, this thing called "motivation" has facilitated a change in my list-making mindset. I'm still allowed to keep my master To Do list, that mighty Beast that bogs me down and makes me feel terrible about myself. But starting last week, I've been creating a smaller, more manageable list every day: my Priority List. Every morning, I start by writing down my meetings (endless). Then I guesstimate the number of unexpected fires, e-mails, calls I'll get throughout the day (infinite). This leaves me with the amount of time I'll have throughout the day to get real work done, which is generally about 4 hours out of a 9 hour day (pathetic). Then, mustering all of my strength and courage, I look at The Beast and transfer the most important tasks into my Priority List for the day - with time allocations next to them! AH HA! Finally! I can chew everything I've bitten off!!! And that knowledge means that instead of cowering in the dark shadows of my massive To Do list, I can face my small daily list with enthusiasm and power through those tasks I'd been putting off.

I totally win. I beat myself. I get to cross monstrous, looming projects off my Priority List left and right, every day. And then, with a tear in my eye, I cross them off The Beast. And I'm finding that I leave work with a satisfying sense of accomplishment and more energy than ever before.

Downside: Way less time for blogging and Google Reader.

Samurai's brother

Sarah called me a cheater...she didn't like my "honor" and "on her" rhyming scheme in Friday's limerick. So she gets a freebie. (whiner...)

I'm clumsy, I'm fat and I'm lazy,
Eighteen beers in, my vision's quite hazy.
My dumb brother's a star,
(Samurai's usually are)
I'm not jealous; I think he's plain crazy.

Happy June!

Samurai

Your moustache is stick needle thin,

You fight against evil and sin.

Try to maintain your honor,

Or your sword? You'll fall on her,

And that's not what I'd call win-win.

I Knew Her Back When...

Disclaimer: if you didn't go to high school with me, most of this will be lost on you. Just know that these are good memories commemorating a good friend's birthday.

When I was 15 years old, I sat down at a lunch table with a spunky, goofy, carefree blond named Colleen. Ridiculous lunchtime conversation topics swirled around the table; among them, such items as Doug the Bug, the weekend goings-on, and the starlet's latest part in the school play. Later that year, Colleen and I could be spotted scrambling through the halls during our 5-minute passing period, Skittles scattering down the hallway on our mad dash from the vending machine and into the clutches of our sixth period religion teacher - that same teacher who always seemed to turn a blind eye to the notes being passed between her two "kunagundas" (roughly translated as "precious ones"). Our tall friend Mike started calling us the Blond Bombshells...which is hilarious looking back on it. It can be argued that we were, in fact, budding bombshells, but I think the more appropriate designation back then may have been "holy terrors." Colleen and I buddied up and joined the "Senior Experimentals" - ladies and gentlemen, my first acting experience ever was in a play starring a "boy band" and Colleen, who played a Mandy Moore type character. If I remember correctly, I was just a groupie who wore silver reptile-print pleather pants and swooned when a member of the boy band walked by (*gag*). That was the last time I ever acted, but Colleen never quit. Thank God.


And one day, when she's all grown up and living a flashy life in Hollywood and gets discovered by some huge director for her stunning looks, seriously convincing acting, and phenomenal voice OR is sharing her passion for acting and English with some very lucky students, I can smile and say, "Yeah, well, I knew her back when. And she's still a great friend."

So to a girl who completes our circle of friends, loves Twix and rock and roll, gives life her all, and can identify exactly what was happening and what everyone was wearing on any given date in the history of her 26 - er, 23? - years, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Miss you tons - can't wait to see you soon!

And for good measure, here's a shot of the 4 of us...my girls from "back when." See you in June!

My Dinner

Not too shabby, really.

Sweet Tea

My boyfriend Earl's over there dippin'
Cousin Sue's on the sidewalk a-skippin'
But there's no better treat
Than a tea that's so sweet,
So I'm on the front porch just sippin'

Top Ten Things I Learned in Alabama

10. Huntsville has quite a large population of engineers and the airport there is like a NASA gift shop.

9. Birmingham has a beautiful landscape of rolling hills and green ivy.

8. Sweet tea is far too sweet for me.

7. Southern wedding receptions don't require assigned seating (yay!).

6. I'm not the only one who has noticed Luke's ability to consume HALF HIS BODY WEIGHT in food. Sounds like this is something he adopted back in the military.

5. On average, about half of the people you meet in the South actually go by their middle names.

4. Little old ladies with their hair set in rollers really do say, "Well, bless his heart."

3. There really is a Red Hat Society. They hold their meetings at Alexa's Cafe on Calvert Street in Birmingham. They really wear red hats.

2. Barbecue is heaven.

And the number one thing I learned while in Alabama last weekend:

1. Luke looks really cute in a tux. :)

Confession

Luke and I have never gone to see a movie together.

We go rock climbing and balance check books instead.

I'm Thinking about Getting an Abacus

Luke via email: I think I am going to stop filling out my checkbook register and start using the excel sheet I made, and print out the bank statements. I think the checkbook register is pretty redundant and a little outdated.

Me: Yeah, you're old fashioned :) Excel is good. The only problem is that I like paper records. I'm a paper person. I love my journals and notebooks and planners and pens and pencils. If you're ever at a loss for something to get me, bet on a really cool notebook or something. Like the one I just got. I love it. And I got another one just for the hell of it. I have no use for a second one, but I figure I'll find one!

Luke: You’re calling me old fashioned? Pens, paper. Why don’t you just use a stone tablet and a chisel.

Me: Sh*t. I missed the glaring irony. Luke: 1. Leanne: 0

Slouching Teenager at Heart

Once upon a time, many years ago, I was in the car with my parents and some of my younger cousins. I was relegated to the back middle seat, squished between three other kids. Younger Cousin Jennifer said to me, "Leanne, you sit up really straight. It's weird."


"Nuh uh!" I protested, for I had always suspected that I was a typical teenage sloucher.


"Yeah you do!" she retorted. And her little sister promptly agreed.


Hrrrumph. I spent the rest of the trip intentionally scrunching down in my seat.


And then this week, I came across a (very fuzzy) picture of me from Emily's birthday celebration last weekend. It was after 11 p.m. and several margaritas. Dear Cousin of mine, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.














In other weird Me news, I go to the bathroom more frequently than the pregnant woman who sits across from me. I have a bladder the size of a ping pong ball.

Oh hush...you're not really offended by my over-sharing. In fact, chances are if you know about my blog, you've probably already made fun of me at one point in time or another about my mini-bladder.

That's MISTER Pilgrim to you!

Don't spell "pilgrim" with an "A"
That's just not the appropriate way!
So let's please not neglect
To show him some respect:
P-i-l-g-r-i-m, OKAY?!

Slamabama

Tomorrow morning I will wake up at an ungodly hour, drag my lifeless body to the metro, take a bus to the Baltimore Washington International Airport - which is not close. From Baltimore, I will fly to Charlotte, NC. From there, I will fly to Huntsville, Alabama. And then I will drive to Birmingham. For a wedding. For a dude I've never even seen a picture of.

Now, I'm not complaining. Not one little bit, actually. More than anything, I'm quite intrigued to see what this Southern wedding thing is all about.

But I have to survive today first.

Happy Birthday, Em!

It's Saturday night. We're out, chillin' near the piano at Banana Cafe, drinkin' margaritas, and celebratin' the birth of dear Emily. The pianist was not just a pianist. He was also a trumpet player, a saxist, and a vocalist. He was also not playing the piano. He was playing a keyboard that he had placed on top of the piano. And he was blind.

I'd like to chronicle several weird conversations I had during the course of the night...the night obviously deteriorated rather quickly :)

1. Circa 11:00 pm:

Diego: Hey, remember that time I shoved all those carrots in my mouth?

2. Approximately 11:30 pm:

When prompted for song requests, I jumped up, ran to the piano and requested Whitney Houston!!! (Not a stretch, really, given some of the other songs he'd already shared from his repertoire.)
Pianist: No Whitney Houston. Something else.
Me: Ok, I got nothin'. What's your favorite thing to sing.
P: Lady, this is just a job for me. If I could drive a truck and make more money, I would. That's like me asking you which file you like filing best. It's just a job. A job. (into the mic) This is work for me, folks! Just work!

3. And the last, most awesomest, bestest conversation of the night:

Em calls at 1:30 am as I'm drifting off to sleep: Hey, um, I'm standing at my door and my keys are inside my apartment...on the other side of the door.
Me: Try using your credit card? Or call K. She lives closest to you. You can crash there. Or come here if you need to.
Em: Ok, credit card not working. I'm gonna call K.

- ten minutes pass -

Em via text: I'm cabbing to your place. I feel like an IDIOT!

- another ten minutes pass and the ringing phone yanks me out of sleep again -

Em: I made it into my apartment! The cabbie had a crowbar and opened my door.
Me: Good. You're safe, door's deadbolted? Ok, see you tomorrow. Love you, bye.

- ten minutes pass -

Me to the ghosts in my room: Wait, the cabbie used a crowbar to break into her apartment? That's not normal, people!

Happy anniversary of your birth, Em! Thanks for always keeping things interesting! :)

Sunday Story

The house behind me had an all-day bash yesterday, and when I went to bed, there were two partiers still hanging tough. At midnight, I was having a hard time sleeping while I listened to Guy consoling Girl as she complained about a pending trip to Vegas with Art, the guy she's sleeping with but apparently doesn't want to be sleeping with.

At 12:44 a.m., after momentarily drifting to sleep, I was jerked awake by an awful rendition of a woman speaking in a Russian accent. Guy and Girl - two fully functional thirty-somethings with car payments, mortgages, and friends with babies - were making PRANK PHONE CALLS! I might note here that it's awfully difficult to calm your heart rate enough to fall asleep when you're fuming.

So when I was jerked awake yet again at 2:00 a.m. by another shrill vocal explosion, you may imagine that I was furious! However, when I stopped breathing fire and shooting laser beams from my eyes, I took a second to listen and my heart softened ever so slightly. Yep, Little Suzie Svetlana had drunk dialed I-Don't-Like-You-Anymore-Art to pick a fight. "I'm not cheating on anybody here. It's not like I'm your wife. [pause] Well, you don't have to be mean about it!"

Hoo boy was she going to regret this conversation in the morning!

That's when I smiled to myself and promptly fell asleep.

Oreos

They're chocolaty, crunchy and sweet,
Dipped in milk, they're a cool, soggy treat!
Eat a row? That's not hard.
I'll gain 10 pounds of lard,
But Oreos still can't be beat!

Joints Joints Joints

No no no, not those kinds of joints. Bad kid.

I mean My Poor Fingers and My Poor Knees. They're stiff and they hurt because someone in here turned the thermostat to ANTARCTICA!

The Office

The workplace reminds me of school - grade school, high school, college...take your pick. It's all the same. The he said, she said; the hurt feelings; the busy work and the due dates; the egos; and the rumors that just won't quit. The personalities are even the same: the drama queen, the gossip, the jock, the bully, the nerd, and the geek. And then there's the SUPPLY CABINET. Every employee's dream (especially when there are kids to entertain!). Pens and pencils and colored paper and Post-Its and highlighters. Hell, we even have glue sticks! And when a new supply is delivered, it's heaven for the first few who discover it. "Hey! Look at all these new toys! And they're all MINE!"

But here's another, even stranger parallel between office life and academia: no smoking in the bathrooms. The following email was sent by our management to all staff as a follow up to a prior email about smoking areas. And no, except for removing names, I didn't change a word of it. Are you kidding? This stuff is too good to be made up!

_____________________________________________
From: G
Sent: Monday, May 04, 2009 2:47 PM
To: [All Staff]
Subject: FW: Designated Smoking Area For Our Building

Good Afternoon,
This is just a friendly reminder that smoking is prohibited anywhere inside this building, including the restrooms. If you observe anyone smoking in the restroom, either politely remind them that smoking is prohibited inside the building, or let [office manager] or me know and we will follow up.
Thanks,
G
_____________________________________________
From: G
Sent: Tuesday,
August 12, 2008 7:16 AM
To: [All Staff]
Subject: Designated Smoking Area For Our Building

Good Morning,
I’d like to remind those of us who smoke that [our building] has a designated smoking area, and that smoking is not permitted in the front of the building. Our designated area for smoking is to the rear of the building next to the loading dock. Although others may not follow the rules, I’d like [department] to be a good example. Let’s set the standard by being considerate of others and smoking only at the designed [sic] smoking area.
Thanks,
G

A case of the Mondays

It's Monday. It's raining. I spent 10 hours in this office on Saturday waiting to test a broken system, testing the system, confirming it was still broken, and then waiting some more. Oh yeah, I was also entertaining my manager's 3- and 5-year-old kids who also spent 10 hours in this office on Saturday. And now I'm back in this office again. It's Monday. It's raining. We have a new system that is no longer broken. And I have awesomely colorful creations hanging on my cube walls. Thanks 5-year-old! :)


I'm going to find myself something made of chocolate.

Race for the Cure

Help me reach my goal for the Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure! I'm running on June 6 in memory of a good friend's mom and in honor of so many other women who are fighting and beating breast cancer. My goal is $125 and I have a month to go! Click on the "Donate" button below. Every little bit counts!

Thank you in advance for your support.

Tequila

Drink me down while in bliss or in sorrow,
I've got a good time you can borrow.
You think you'll be fine,
One more shot with a lime,
But you'll be cursing my name by tomorrow.















(stop that! that's not funny!!!)

Wed-nes-day Confession

Happy hump day, my friends. Happy rainy, dreary, yet surprisingly productive hump day.

Here's the confession: When I spell Wednesday, I always break it out that way and literally say each piece in my head. WED - NES - DAY

Also, has anyone else woken up every frickin day this week thinking (hoping) it was Thursday? No? Just me? Weird. That seems to be a trend in my life.

Don't you love a good drama

All HQ employees received the following e-mail this morning...and this afternoon, we each received an 8-ounce bottle of Purell Hand Sanitizer. I think they might be distributing face masks tomorrow. Rumor has it the haz-mat suit distribution is scheduled for May 15.

Announcements
Hand sanitizer distribution: Today the security office will begin distributing hand sanitizer to all Headquarters employees to use as a precautionary measure in our on-going efforts to help reduce the risk from the current outbreak of influenza. Security staff will deliver the hand sanitizer to your office. A table with the sanitizers will be set up in the Dining Facility, and if you prefer, you can pick up yours at that table starting today.